Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Blog #10: I Hope There's Pasta Salad in Hell

2009
 They'd changed the religious billboard by the 24 road overpass again. Before, it had toted an overtly Baptist view on abortion, but now it read “Heaven or Hell: You decide.” with the familiar 1-800 number underneath. Bart and I drove by this billboard every time I took him home after debate practice, and this time he felt particularly goaded. With my cell phone, he dialed the number and waited, me giggling in the driver's seat as I turned onto the overpass.
Hi.” He starts confidently when the other end picks up. His hair is the same as when we'd first met - medium-length and swept to the side like a prototypical skater kid- and he casually tosses it out of his bright blue eyes. “I'd like to make a decision.” The man on the other end is confused. “Yeah,” Bart continues, smirking as only a 16 year old boy knows how. “Your billboard on 24 road says I need to decide heaven or hell, and I think I want to choose hell.” The man is taken even more off guard. I hypothesize that he doesn't get calls very often, especially of this variety. From Bart's response, I assume the man asks him why he chose hell.
Well,” Bart reasons, sitting back. “I like really hot weather...” The man at the call center informs him that he is not just hot, but forced to carry our punishments. “Yeah, but aren't most of the trials and stuff exercise related? Like pushing boulders up mountains again and again? I like exercising too, and hot weather, so I don't really see the problem...”
I have no idea how that conversation ended, but I'm sure it was hilarious.
Taylor “Bart” Bartholomew is my best friend, and I hate him sometimes. His favorite food is pasta salad, he has two younger sisters, one that he hates and one that he tolerates, his parents are divorced, and he sometimes talks in third person. He's also a member of the United States Marine Corps, stationed in Afghanistan until June, having first arrived in early January 2012.
His first impression of the middle east was “dusty and cold,” something I knew he was disappointed by, loving the heat and all. Lucky enough for him, things warmed up, and by March it was reaching above 90 degrees every day. The heat isn't so bad, he says, it's the searing hot dust that blows around that really makes his temporary home hard to deal with sometimes.

2 comments:

  1. This is such a great opening! Before you tell us Bart's in the Marine Corpse, you makes us love him--so there's no sentimentality, no pity, he's a real person already and his story is real. And funny. Your voice is really going to shine through in this piece. And are you planning on using the hell metephore throughout? I think you totally could. Good work!

    ReplyDelete
  2. First off - Love the title! Yes, if there is pasta salad in hell, it's just one more reason to visit. Like Rose, I also like how you establish the person you're profiling. It could have gone so many ways, but you opened it with humor - great choice - and it flows really well. I can't wait to read the rest :) Great intro!

    ReplyDelete